This is my first entry.
I am a bit hesitant to write about my life and what tends to overcome my brain causing such nightly meltdowns.
I could only hope to help young girls and young women with my problems and knowledge gained from them.
Where do I start? I am almost sure I will look back later and say, "why didn't I start there?"
I am a 10 year old girl who needs her parents. I want you home, and when you get here i'd prefer you to be sober.
Like I said I am 10.
I can smell the fantastic smell of Crayola crayons freshly opened and smile, I can still feel the burn from not plugging my nose tightly enough as I jump into that over chlorinated pool.
I have been robbed of a normal childhood from my health and poor choices of my parents.
I have been forced to grow up to fast.
Now don't get me wrong I know many have it much worse than I.
Though I am willing to blog now about some of the events in my life that have brought me to this breaking point in my life that has made me lose and question my own identity.
I am a poor writer, it is my weakness and I am sorry for that.
One christmas I only asked for one thing from my parents. It was a Nickelodeon toy. Something I could do by myself since everyone was so absent. Lets just say, not only was every box the shape of this toy and not it but they were all two player games. Guess who?, battleship etc. My brother received the one gift I wanted. I thought there must be some mistake such as the wrong name attached to this present. I then turned to Nintendo more than ever where Mario and Luigi became my best friends for that entire year and many to come.
I had Tympanoplasty (total ear reconstruction) done to both of my ears on and off from ages 2-10.
I was that super sweet beautiful baby and child who only cried, and a lot from being in pain. Many ear infections, tubes fell out, bones collapsed etc. I had 10% of my hearing and no one knew this until I was in 1st grade. I remember many surgeries.
Its odd how people say they can't remember their childhood. I vividly remember the fake bubble gum smell coming from the oxygen mask while laying on the table trying to see if I could count lower than 8 from 10. I remember smelling the metal cages where they kept babies and how they wanted a creepy clown to walk me dow the hallway to where they put me under. What was wrong with hospitals? He looked like IT- pennywise the clown. I remember my step dad trying his best to put my hair in a pony tail pre surgery because my mother had taken my brother and left for vacation in Boston. He promised he would take me to NYC one day to see the Statue of Liberty. He still hasn't and my ponytail looked like crap but I was just happy he was with me for once and trying.
I feel like I should be making my next post about Crohns disease alone.
If anyone reads this and is great at rewriting it or correcting things I am more than willing to read it. I hate even proof reading.
